Christofone

Hi Im Christopher Schaller, Founder and CEO of Christofone. It is my vision and goal to provide to you, my loyal customers, with unprecedented cell phone service. It begins with our most basic of plans. For 20 bux a month you can make a call every once in a while from our dilapidated old cellphones with batteries larger than the phone itself.

For an extra 10$ though you can upgrade to the classic flip phone...with an LCD display only found on the fanciest of calculators.

But the real strength of Christofone is our Rape-you-in-the-ass hidden fees. Did you know that it costs you 5cents just to turn the phone on? Yep thats good old fashioned service right there.

With Christofone, you're going to like how thick our bill is...I guarantee it.


Annnnnd Scene.

I had just woke up when I saw one of those tracfone commercials and was inspired.

if you buy a cell phone from Dollar General its time to take a good close look at your life.